Which Option?

"We always have an option." I repeatedly mention this to myself if people come to me and say they have been forced to do something they don't want and then start complaining about it and blame the person(s) who made them do "it" (whatever that may be). Now, if I can only listen to my grunts. If I can only be appeased by telling these very same words to myself.

But I know I have options to choose from. Nothing is just appealing to me. :(

OPTION 1:
Buy Manila Bulletin newspaper every Sunday, go through all the pages until I find suitable job openings ABROAD, go to the agencies and apply.

OPTION 2:
Pursue the opportunity in Singapore wherein I was granted the Employment Pass Eligibility Certificate and look for a job there.

OPTION 3:
Go to Manila and apply for Call Center jobs there.

OPTION 4:
Get married. (and subsequently make my family hate me)
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Before going any further, just to make things clear right from the start, this is the situation at home.

I live in Pampanga with my dad. Just the two of us. I have two brothers, Kuya (elder brother) Kristian and Kelvin, our bunso (youngest). They are both living with my mom in Manila. My parents aren't separated (though sometimes I wish they are), it just so happened that my dad's work is here and my mom's work is there. My mom comes home every Saturday night (sometimes with my bros if they aren't busy) to check on us here. Why tolerate the distance? I know if there was a better choice, this won't happen, but currently, there is none (or maybe just because I haven't decided yet).

Money is needed badly at home. This is the reason why. Kelvin is still studying. His course is BS Nursing so you can imagine the amount of money needed for him to finish. Aside from that, Kuya is already married and has two children to feed and send to school aside from his wife and the two other children of his wife from her first husband (who is already dead). Unfortunately, Kuya doesn't have a stable job so we also support him. But he does have work, his salary isn't just enough for all his obligations.

As for my dad, he drives a jeep. He's earning a good amount of money but currently, every penny he earns (at least only up to November of 2008), serves as payment for some debts.

My mom works for her sister, Auntie Zeny. We're so blessed to have her because she's also the one who offered a job to my elder brother. She has a water station (you know the mineral water we're drinking...) and my mom helps her manage it. She, along with my two bros. get to live there for free (auntie, you're really such a blessing!). But as I mentioned, of course, their wage isn't that big compared to people who work, let's say, in the corporate world.

So basically, that's the story. Oh, no, I haven't relayed mine yet. I work in a call center in Clark. So the salary is good (or so I thought). I've been here for more than 4 years. I have a cousin who is now working in a call center in Makati and she's been there for only 2 months. It's her first job, she's not yet finished with her schooling, but when she got her salary, oh man, it's even higher than mine! S^*%!

By the way, my mom, dad, and kuya are also taking maintenance medicines because of high blood pressure.

So there.

As for option 1, sure, I entertained that thought before (going abroad, I mean). I even got obsessed about that. I still try to check every once in a while if there are jobs fit for me but unfortunately, I haven't found any.

For option 2, just last week, I received an e-mail from the Ministry of Manpower in Singapore saying my application was approved. I don't know if it's a good thing that I told my mom about it. She told my aunts about it and of course, they only have good words to say. But the thing is - where will I get the money to fly to Singapore? Where will I get the money to pay for my expenses - house, and the like - when I'm there TO LOOK for a job, meaning I won't be earning anything yet.

Option 3 is an option because we all know that Call Center (in Manila) people earn big bucks. If ever, I don't have to go abroad anymore to help my family.

Option 4? Hehehe... can I just, for once, think of myself first before all the other people? LOL.

What frustrates me? I work my ass out here at work from 6 in the morning until 3:45pm and I can't even buy a new shirt for myself! Think of all the things I have to pay for. The house we're renting (2,500), electric & water bills (1,300 - 1,500), food, other stuff at home (grocery), vitamins and food of my niece and nephew, load, fare, Kelvin's tuition fee...the list goes on and on and on and on.......More often than not, my salary isn't even enough to pay for all these (I'm not yet earning a 5-digit salary on a half-month basis, not even close!)

You know, I'm not really the type who blames other people. I'm not a complainer. But sometimes, just sometimes, my emotions get out of control.

You know, I also get tired... I'm just 25 years old but I already look twice my age.

To my mom and dad, I love you both! So much that I'm doing all these to help alleviate the burdens you both are carrying. I wish I just have more options to choose from. CONCRETE options, I mean.

Thank you for letting me rant. I just need to vent. I'm sorry...