I'm so sleepy right now. I slept at 4:00am and woke up at 6:45. That's about it. I finished packing my things around 3:50 and when I went to bed, my mind still did a little marathon, probably around 10 minutes or so.
I'm going back to the Philippines tomorrow, that's what all this packing is all about. I woke up at 6:45 because we're supposed to drive to Muara by 7:30 so I can take the boat going to Labuan, then from Labuan, another boat to KK (Kota Kinabalu). When we reached Muara, people were plentiful. They're queued up but the line(s) isn't moving at all. Some were complaining that they've been there since 7am and it's almost 9am but they haven't been able to buy a ticket yet.
Apparently, all the boats for the day that I can ride are already full, even the 4pm boat. Some said they will just be going to Lawas (if I remember the place right) and then go to KK by bus. My employer didn't want that for me because I'd be travelling alone and the ride(s) can be too risky for me, especially because it's my first time to travel alone. So he decided for us (him, me and my friend, who is actually his girlfriend) to just go back home and drive all the way to KK at lunch time. That will be a more or less 8-hour drive according to them, minus the immigration stuff that I need to undergo and the long queues.
Right now, it's 11:17am. My friend and my employer went out to buy lunch so I have this spare time to write a post. We'd be leaving by 12 noon.
God bless our trip.
'Til I reach my homeland.....zzzzzzzzzz
I earnestly want to go back here. Why? I've met some people who I want to get to know more. But that's just scratching the surface. :)
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Lesson Learned
Sometimes, life throws you some unexpected things, or experiences for that matter. This time, I think I already learned my lesson. Okay, so not just "I think", rather, I DID learn my lesson.
You see, I am someone who is sweet. Someone VERY thoughtful. My gesture of connecting with people is primarily through my concern. And I TOUCH people, mostly their arms to show that I DO care and that I indeed have concern for them. From very simple things to the most complex ones, I dare show my concern and sincerity. From wounds to food and such things...
Now, I know that these characteristics I have don't always work. Others may even find my actions offensive. So to those who do not like me for who I am, please bear with me. To those who felt my sincerity, thank you.
I am a changed woman now. Though I am not sorry for who I am, or who I have been, I want to say to the world that from now on, I'll start putting "I'm no care bear" sign up on my sleeve.
You see, I am someone who is sweet. Someone VERY thoughtful. My gesture of connecting with people is primarily through my concern. And I TOUCH people, mostly their arms to show that I DO care and that I indeed have concern for them. From very simple things to the most complex ones, I dare show my concern and sincerity. From wounds to food and such things...
Now, I know that these characteristics I have don't always work. Others may even find my actions offensive. So to those who do not like me for who I am, please bear with me. To those who felt my sincerity, thank you.
I am a changed woman now. Though I am not sorry for who I am, or who I have been, I want to say to the world that from now on, I'll start putting "I'm no care bear" sign up on my sleeve.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Am I Going To Jail?
Do you get sentenced to jail because of molestation? Well, honestly, I don't know. I was supposed to research a little about it before I started writing this post but I was too tired already. I just had to let what I feel out. Maybe tomorrow or when I finally have the time, I will check on the appropriate answer for it.
Anyway, why the question and title of this post for that matter? OOhhhhh... I really don't know if I'll get mad or laugh out loud because of the reason!
Remember King? He's one of the staff personnel in the company where I'm working with right now here in Brunei. I posted my sentiments about him the other day here and the misunderstanding that we had. Now, I'm posting a follow-up to it.
It's been more than a week since we last spoke with each other. Yesterday, I was even so pissed off at him! Just imagine someone throwing the ballpen on top of the table where you're doing your work?!?! (hindi ba naman kabastusan yun to the max???!!!). Anyway...somehow, nagkaayos na kami. AND the most important part is I ALREADY KNOW WHY HE STOPPED TALKING TO ME! Saksakan ng babaw..hay... gunggong talaga tong taong ito. Kung hindi ka ba naman immature...hay, ewan ko ba!
Okay, okay...here's how things went today.
As usual, we weren't speaking with each other the mostly the whole day. Avoiding each other and the usual stuff. (Usual na pala ngayon yun no? hehehe). Then come afternoon when my friend was asking who saw the new set of card readers that we displayed in the morning. She thought they have been stolen so she was so angry and all that you couldn't talk to her. She then said she'll just make some rounds around our booth to check. That was the time when I was left alone on the counter. Outside the counter, King was standing. This means the two of us were left alone. ALMOST beside each other. For some unknown reasons, he didn't leave his place so I took the opportunity to try in patching things up between us. Kasi naman po I'm already going back to the Philippines in just 6 days and I don't want us not to be "okay" before that day comes. So, summoning all the courage I could, I called his name and said... "King, are you mad at me?" He didn't look at me in the eye but he shrugged his shoulders, said "no", and left! OMG, just imagine that. I felt like I wanted to melt! Syempre naman, ako na nga ang gumawa ng first move tapos minsan ka na lang iiwan ng ganun? Grabe...
So pinalampas ko yun. Almost right after that, customers started to come in so there was no time for us to talk again. After about 20 minutes or so, the customers left and when I turned around, I saw him standing there, meaning we're now face to face with each other. I don't know why I didn't just walk away at that moment like I used to kasi I also can't look at him in the eye. Instead, I moved closer to him and this was our EXACT CONVERSATION. It was printed in my mind instantly!
ME: "Why do you always walk away when I talk to you?" (Hahaha! Talk about guts!).
KING: "Nothing..."
ME: "No, please tell me, what have I done?"
KING: "Okay...(long pause) I don't like you touching me."
ME: "What?!?!?! (with a VERY puzzled expression)..."
KING: "That's it."
ME: "Why? (still very puzzled...)"
KING: "That's it."
ME: "But why?" (feeling dumb and all that I keep on repeating the same question, I already stopped at this point.)
ME again: "Okay, then I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Okay?"
KING: "Okay, just forget about it."
ME: "Okay." (Then I finally turned around and didn't look back at him.)
Now, what can you say? Parang...napaka immature no?
Dun sa sinabi nya, para bang minolestya ko sya at kaylangan nyang magalit at hindi ako kausapin ng mahigit isang linggo ng dahil lang dun. IF I REMEMBER IT RIGHT, I "touched" him on his arm (ONLY), kasi I greeted him by saying "hey..." sabay hawak (as in normal ha at hindi kung anong klaseng paghawak, parang tapik sa balikat, kumbaga, pero sa may arm nga lang at hindi sa shoulder.)
Ayun lang. At dun natapos ang bagay-bagay. Di ko pa alam kung anong mangyayari mamaya nyan pagka open namin sa mall. It's a brand new day nga naman. Wish ko lang hindi na ko ganito ka-apektado at sana mabalik na rin lahat sa normal.
So ano ba, matatawa ba ko o maiinis sa taong to?
Anyway, why the question and title of this post for that matter? OOhhhhh... I really don't know if I'll get mad or laugh out loud because of the reason!
Remember King? He's one of the staff personnel in the company where I'm working with right now here in Brunei. I posted my sentiments about him the other day here and the misunderstanding that we had. Now, I'm posting a follow-up to it.
It's been more than a week since we last spoke with each other. Yesterday, I was even so pissed off at him! Just imagine someone throwing the ballpen on top of the table where you're doing your work?!?! (hindi ba naman kabastusan yun to the max???!!!). Anyway...somehow, nagkaayos na kami. AND the most important part is I ALREADY KNOW WHY HE STOPPED TALKING TO ME! Saksakan ng babaw..hay... gunggong talaga tong taong ito. Kung hindi ka ba naman immature...hay, ewan ko ba!
Okay, okay...here's how things went today.
As usual, we weren't speaking with each other the mostly the whole day. Avoiding each other and the usual stuff. (Usual na pala ngayon yun no? hehehe). Then come afternoon when my friend was asking who saw the new set of card readers that we displayed in the morning. She thought they have been stolen so she was so angry and all that you couldn't talk to her. She then said she'll just make some rounds around our booth to check. That was the time when I was left alone on the counter. Outside the counter, King was standing. This means the two of us were left alone. ALMOST beside each other. For some unknown reasons, he didn't leave his place so I took the opportunity to try in patching things up between us. Kasi naman po I'm already going back to the Philippines in just 6 days and I don't want us not to be "okay" before that day comes. So, summoning all the courage I could, I called his name and said... "King, are you mad at me?" He didn't look at me in the eye but he shrugged his shoulders, said "no", and left! OMG, just imagine that. I felt like I wanted to melt! Syempre naman, ako na nga ang gumawa ng first move tapos minsan ka na lang iiwan ng ganun? Grabe...
So pinalampas ko yun. Almost right after that, customers started to come in so there was no time for us to talk again. After about 20 minutes or so, the customers left and when I turned around, I saw him standing there, meaning we're now face to face with each other. I don't know why I didn't just walk away at that moment like I used to kasi I also can't look at him in the eye. Instead, I moved closer to him and this was our EXACT CONVERSATION. It was printed in my mind instantly!
ME: "Why do you always walk away when I talk to you?" (Hahaha! Talk about guts!).
KING: "Nothing..."
ME: "No, please tell me, what have I done?"
KING: "Okay...(long pause) I don't like you touching me."
ME: "What?!?!?! (with a VERY puzzled expression)..."
KING: "That's it."
ME: "Why? (still very puzzled...)"
KING: "That's it."
ME: "But why?" (feeling dumb and all that I keep on repeating the same question, I already stopped at this point.)
ME again: "Okay, then I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Okay?"
KING: "Okay, just forget about it."
ME: "Okay." (Then I finally turned around and didn't look back at him.)
Now, what can you say? Parang...napaka immature no?
Dun sa sinabi nya, para bang minolestya ko sya at kaylangan nyang magalit at hindi ako kausapin ng mahigit isang linggo ng dahil lang dun. IF I REMEMBER IT RIGHT, I "touched" him on his arm (ONLY), kasi I greeted him by saying "hey..." sabay hawak (as in normal ha at hindi kung anong klaseng paghawak, parang tapik sa balikat, kumbaga, pero sa may arm nga lang at hindi sa shoulder.)
Ayun lang. At dun natapos ang bagay-bagay. Di ko pa alam kung anong mangyayari mamaya nyan pagka open namin sa mall. It's a brand new day nga naman. Wish ko lang hindi na ko ganito ka-apektado at sana mabalik na rin lahat sa normal.
So ano ba, matatawa ba ko o maiinis sa taong to?
Friday, October 5, 2007
I'm Damned! And Doomed!
I'm not supposed to be blogging right now. According to my computer clock, it's already 1:14 AM, but here I am, still sitting in front of the computer. Sleep is still very elusive even if my whole body is screaming for me to get into a deep slumber.
Why do I have to feel this way? When will I ever change? Or would "WILL I ever change?" be the correct question? Too bad, I don't know the answer to my own inquiries. For so many times, I thought I already did, but at the end of it all, I still fall for the same mistake, over and over again. Now I know I really don't have any convincing power because no matter how many times I tell myself not to fall for the same mistake twice, nothing really changes. And I hate myself for it.
Though I know I will overcome this "issue" I am faced with right now, as I have done so many times in the past, I still hate the fact that I have to feel this way. You know that time when you know you're not supposed to do something but you just can't help it? That even if you know exactly the consequences of your actions, and that it's only you who will suffer in the end, you still continue to trod the path you're in instead of turning your back against it?
It's really BS!
Now, what do I do? If only I have no feelings at all, for sure it wouldn't be this difficult...
I really hate the sleepless nights and the non-ending marathon of the mind. It's like running the mile without ever reaching your goal.
But to give credit to myself, in one way or another, I think I have improved somehow. Now, I can already control SOME of my actions (but believe me, thinking about the consequence of one act doesn't prevent me from doing it..ggrrr!!!!!), controlling by means of not doing anything at all about the concern at hand. But it sure feels like there's a world war going on inside my body. More like every inch of my nerves scream for me to do something and I am hindering myself from moving.
Oh, well, what's new about you feeling this way, Kristine?
Why do I have to feel this way? When will I ever change? Or would "WILL I ever change?" be the correct question? Too bad, I don't know the answer to my own inquiries. For so many times, I thought I already did, but at the end of it all, I still fall for the same mistake, over and over again. Now I know I really don't have any convincing power because no matter how many times I tell myself not to fall for the same mistake twice, nothing really changes. And I hate myself for it.
Though I know I will overcome this "issue" I am faced with right now, as I have done so many times in the past, I still hate the fact that I have to feel this way. You know that time when you know you're not supposed to do something but you just can't help it? That even if you know exactly the consequences of your actions, and that it's only you who will suffer in the end, you still continue to trod the path you're in instead of turning your back against it?
It's really BS!
Now, what do I do? If only I have no feelings at all, for sure it wouldn't be this difficult...
I really hate the sleepless nights and the non-ending marathon of the mind. It's like running the mile without ever reaching your goal.
But to give credit to myself, in one way or another, I think I have improved somehow. Now, I can already control SOME of my actions (but believe me, thinking about the consequence of one act doesn't prevent me from doing it..ggrrr!!!!!), controlling by means of not doing anything at all about the concern at hand. But it sure feels like there's a world war going on inside my body. More like every inch of my nerves scream for me to do something and I am hindering myself from moving.
Oh, well, what's new about you feeling this way, Kristine?
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