Ohana

Once, I heard Martin Nievera say to Janice de Belen, "Enough is more than enough", and I thought how that could be the case. Now, I must say I understand it pretty well, as I have been telling that same line to myself for some time now.

Next week, I'd be going to Manila to attend an orientation. A week after that, I'll be starting in my new job and will be staying there for good. You know, I silently prayed for this. I have also been vocal with my decision to stay there.

Before, I tried going abroad but for some reasons, no opportunities came my way. I applied in some agencies but I was never called for an interview. Well, thinking about it, that's fine with me. It was my mom who was pushing me to go abroad, probably because of our financial crisis at home. I do understand her sentiments and her reasons why she would always ask me to move and try applying for a work overseas, and I can say I really did my part of the bargain, pero yun nga lang, wala talagang tumawag sa mga agencies na inapplyan ko.

Meron namang mga opportunities din dito sa province namin where I can earn decently lalo na sa Clark kasi meron nang mga call centers dun like eTelecare, Sutherland, iQor, and NCO. I was with AOL before(now eTel) and for some months, I also worked at iQor, pero I also resigned. Gusto ko muna lumayo. I need a breather and I need it now. That's why I am now preparing myself sa pagwork dun sa Manila. Siguro uuwi ako ng province every other week, if time permits. Pero di na muna ko maglalagi dito sa Pampanga.

Hindi ko naman tinatalikuran yung mga obligations ko sa family namin. Sabi nga sa Lilo and Stitch... "Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." :) Nakaka touch, diba? Nakakaiyak. That's how much I love my family that's why despite everything that is happening at home, I chose to stay. My mom already went to Manila, including my younger brother, Kelvin, and I stayed behind with my dad and elder brother. However, I realized that it is myself who got forgotten in the process. I am the one who got left behind. Sad? Yes, definitely. It breaks my heart. This is, for the longest time, the thing that I didn't want to share to anyone. I never felt comfortable talking about it, but I know I have to face the truth and sometimes, truth hurts.

This is the main reason why I am packing my bags and leaving. But definitely not to run away or turn my back on them. I'm not a coward. I'm leaving because I need some space for myself. Right now, I feel like I've been broken into a thousand pieces and I have to pick them up and glue them back myself. I need to fix myself first before I can help fix our problems at home. I need to help myself first before I can offer a helping hand.

How do I feel? I feel that it's high time for me to do this. I am now ready to move away a little, not totally, out of the wings of my parents so I can learn to fly on my own. Once I've learned to do that, I'll be coming back to extend a helping hand. To my mom. To my dad. To my brothers. To make sure I'm there to catch you in case you fall. And even better, so I can soar high with you.

Just like what I have been telling myself, which is indeed my belief, ma, pa, kuya, kelvin, I know one day soon, in His time, we can look back at this and together lift a prayer to God because He has never forsaken us. And He never will. Ever.